Sunday, December 13, 2020

Let's Hold Hands & Watch Hannibal Lecter Movies!

 We'll hold hands virtually from a distance...6 feet, f**kers, 6 feet...wait...if you're in Europe, its 5 feet, right?  So, just to let you guys know, you can watch both Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal for free while you're deep inside the YouTube rabbit hole.  It can get tight in there and you are very likely to get stuck, sigh.  It's hard, so leave the vortex once you're inside.  Hannibal Rising and Red Dragon are is on there as well, but it's not free.  Sorry, peeps.  I try to share, but's just wicked hard.  Manhunter is there, too.  


If you're not familiar with Manhunter, it's the 1986 adaptation of Red Dragon that stars William L. Peterson as Will Graham as opposed to Red Dragon, the 2002 film, starring Edward Norton as Graham.  Additionally, Hannibal is portrayed by Brian Cox in Manhunter.  He's my second favorite Hannibal.  I'd also like to note that Voldemort has really sharp teeth in this film.  They're particularly pointy.  

I just watched the Hannibal series recently that was on Netflix and I wasn't really very into it.  I can appreciate the acting and the modernization, but nope, I can only love one sociopath and that's the Anthony Hopkins version of Hannibal...forever yours, Hopkins version of Hannibal, forever yours.



I Hate When I Get the Stigmata!

 I wicked hate when my hands start bleeding and I have thorns embedded deeply in my forehead.  It pisses me off.  I'm just a hairdresser.  Wait, no, I'm not, but Patricia Arquette plays one alongside Gabriel Byrne, who I'd let hit it all day based on his accent Stigmata (1999), which is currently viewable for free on YouTube.  We're in this together.  Now you, too, will know exactly what to expect when you have to endure your very own bout of the Stigmata.  Really, Padre, but why, though!?  Clickity click, bizznatch!

You can now also watch Nosferatu (The Vampyre) on YouTube for free.  Peter looks sexy in 1979.  He was looking good...yup...ripping out spinal columns and taking names!  

Sounds like my kind of night!  Come over and we can snuggle in close on a New England winter eve.  We won't be watching Netflix, but it will be chilling when you see the wounds that cut straight through my hands and a little blood drips on your forehead as I'm softly stroking your face.  
The Wicked Witch of the East

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

I've cooked more food than a mother with a family of ten and I've eaten it all.  If anything good comes out of this, I'll be a better cook, I guess. What happens when I run out of meat?  Does anyone care to donate? 

And remember, I love you, every little tender morsel.


The Wicked Witch of the East

You can watch Dahmer (2002)for free on YouTube here.

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Free Coping Mechanism Horror Flix!

Um, well, nothing is scarier than this situation.  Nothing is crazier than being stuck indoors and not going to work.  It really helps you see what people's true motivations are and many truths are uncovered that may otherwise not be, so let's just leave it at that.

I'm ok.  I'm not dead.  I don't have the plague, but I do know alot about it.  Indulging in some good old fashioned horror is warranted right now while everybody deals with all their cleaning out of their closets both literally and figuratively.

Let's just escape with some quality and not so quality cinema!  I've never wanted to just run away so much, guys!


The Wicked Witch of the East

Watch The Love Witch...just because you should, but first watch Season of the Witch, so you can understand the parody :)...not the 2011 Nick Cage version, though.  Watch the 1972 George Romero version.

You can watch it on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Prime, and YouTube. The Love Witch is linked above for free on Popcornflix.

Also, I spilled cream on my shirt and I'm not sure if I smell like curdled cream or not, but who cares, because I don't have to go to work and don't know what's going on anyway!

Salem Witch Trials - I was born very close to Salem and lived in that area for a long time so this always interested me and it may interest you, too!  It's like 3 hours long, though, but free to watch on the YouTube.  It has Rebecca De Mornay, Kirstie Alley, and Shirley MacLaine in it and it's about theories about what prompt the witch hanging.

There are a couple. I don't have much else to say other than, hopefully this is all over soon so we can perhaps go back to the way it was or um...not, I don't know.

Enjoy effers!

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Review of Hereditary - Disturbing!

SEMI-SPOILERS - Don't read if you really want to be super surprised!

So, I finally got a chance to watch a full length horror feature I had a true desire to watch amid my obsession with the The Handsmaid's Tale each Wednesday.  As you may know, The Handsmaid's Tale is in its second season and is quite tittilating in addition to being super disturbing.  Anyway, I'll blog about my new fascination with the dystopian theocracy Hulu series later and I will get on to the terrifying new film I watched last night, Hereditary.  You can check out the trailer below!

Hereditary is Ari Aster's directorial debut.  According to Wikipedia, "During pre-production, writer-director Ari Aster often referred to Hereditary as not a horror film but rather 'a tragedy that curdles into a nightmare."  The reference website continues to state that, "Films that influenced Aster in the making of Hereditary include Rosemary's BabyCries & WhispersDon't Look NowCarrieOrdinary People, and The Cook, The Thief, His Wife &  Her Lover."  There are many genre words to discribe this film, so here goes!  

This gritty, art-house, super-natural horror-thriller, which was also written by Ari stars Toni Collette (Annie Graham) alongside her "movie" husband (Steve Graham), who is portrayed by Gabriel Byrne.  Gabriel, you're old enough to be my father, but I'd still hit it!  Yes, Gabriel Byrne, you...I have a bit of a thing for Irishmen.  The accent is a plus, but he doesn't have much of one in this film.  Anyway, enough about my hormones.  The film's family, the Grahams includes two children, little 13-year old creepy girl Charlie, (Milly Sharpiro) and Peter, her typically unremarkable older pothead brother, (Alex Wolff).  Creepy Charlie, Creepy Charlie, reeeh reeeh, reeeh.  

Psssst....Fans of the Handmaid's Tale...

Ann Dowd, who portrays Aunt Lydia on the Handmaid's Tale, has a vital role in this production as Joan (Joanie).  Joan befriends Annie through a grief support group and since Annie doesn't seem to have any friends outside of her husband, even though Annie is reluctant, she slowly begins to embrace Joan's warmth and accepts her support, companionship, and advice.  Ann Dowd is a phenomenal actress.  I love her!  Tony Collette is underrated, though.  She had me crying 15 minutes into this film.  Yeah, it began the summer solstice and we're heading to a full moon, but crying during a horror film is an almost never occurrence for me.  I'm a "crier", though.  It usually means I'm feeling murderous rage, but not always :).  Some things just lighten the color of my blackened heart for a moment.  You'll see why.  

This horror masterpiece (If you don't agree, I don't care.)  kicks off with the death of Ellen, Annie's mommy, who has a strangely strained realtionship with her only daughter.  However, Creepy Charlie is her favorite grandchild, so Charlie is probably the only person in the whole Graham family, who actually feels a "loss" when Grandma Ellen dies.  Annie feels more guilt than grief over the death of her mother.  Her euology at the funeral of her mother, Ellen is the most awkward thing I've heard even amongst some in my own experiences that have been similar.  She has a weird relationship with her son and the two seem to have a moderately strained relationship just kept at bey below the surface.  (They are cordial to one another in a way.)

The relationship between Steve and Annie is strange, too.  They are so distant with each other like they are just trying to be polite and that's about it.  The other members of the family have lukewarm relations with one another, but they are slightly warmer towards Annie, the little sketching loaner, who often snacks randomly on chocolate bars at inappropriate times.  She reminded me a little of Milo, if you've seen that film with the creepy little boy.  Well done Milly Shapiro!  We don't see as much of Charlie as the trailers might suggest that I viewed of this film before watching it myself.

You can watch the Milo trailer below.  In no way am I comparing the two films, because they don't compare!!!

If the family isn't strange enough, Annie, who is an artist by trade lives in a house with her family that always seems totally absent of light.  The blinds seem to always be drawn closed and the house almost seems windowless in an ongoing, permanent night.  It seems that wherever the family goes when they leave the house, it's always a bright, sunshiny day.  For the home of an artist, the Graham house is totally devoid of cheer or any character.  The wood is dark, the blue paint in the bedrooms is bland, and it's just a strange place for an artist to live, especially since her daugher, too, is artistically inclined.

This film moves at a snailpace for about forty-five minutes, but if you can get through the joyless, strained, miserable back-story, you'll understand exactly why this oppressive atmosphere exists and why the characters are the way they are towards one another and towards outsiders.  The gory ending is so worth it!  If you invest forty-five minutes, you'll get it all back in dividends.  The ending of Hereditary is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a long time.  I felt like I was on a bad trip from which I'd never wake and I mean this in the best sense.  If you liked the Babadook and the Wicker Man, think of this film as a modern mash-up of the two with a side-helping of Kubric-style darkness.  Creepy Charlie's little tree-house will never be the same!


Why didn't someone call the cops sooner?  Why didn't someone call the cops?  Is there a reason why nobody was smart enough to call the cops?