1. Vegans & Vegetarians Who You Can't Stand - Some Vegans and Vegetarians are lovely people, but of course like all other people, omnivores, carnivores, and the like, you might just really want to offend the arsehole in your circle who does not consume meat and/or dairy products. How 'bout some real taxidermy. Happy Holidays, bastard!
2. The Ultimate Non-Smoker - Everyone has that irritating person in their circle or in their family who hates smoking. Well, if they can't beat you, why not join you? What's gross even for a smoker. Yup, cigars! Merry Christmas, dinkbag!
5. The Self-Help Junkies - This person constantly makes reference to Chicken Soup for the Soul and people they saw on TV telling them how to make their life better and constantly searches their soul, because they have no substance. Happy fecking holidays!
6. Organic Food Nazi - This person won't shut up about gluten free products, MSG, and the dangers of fast food and how immunizations make your kids autistic. Happy Hannukah, dildo!
7. Perpetually on a Diet Dinkhole - This person will not shut up about being fat, counts every carb and calorie and exercises five times a day so they can eat an entire cheesecake in the basement after everyone has gone to bed. Eat up, fatass!
8. Super PTA Mom - My delinquent beat your honor student's ass every day after school. Have a nice winter solstice, elitist snob!
9. Racist - This person will not stop defaming the president, gets upset when their kids listen to rap, doesn't believe the Holocaust happened, and is pissed all February long.